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In depth surveys have been carried out and indicate that the one thing that most people want from their holidays when they come to Bali is relaxation and to respond to this I hear that a new tourism campaign will be launched based on the slogan “Bali - Island of Relaxation”.
Relaxation, of course, starts at the airport as visitors arrive with an introductory group meditation session. Everyone stands in a line for an hour of peaceful reflection during which time close examination of the marble floors and tourism pictures helps them to get in touch with their inner selves. An occasional sideways shuffle is used to reconnect the upper chakras with the lower ones and so centre the soul with the world around them.
This first introductory stage of the meditation costs a mere US$25 and is followed by a second session which is absolutely free. On completion of this second meditation everyone receives a certification stamp.
These meditations have proved so popular that the Government is now very thoughtfully extending the meditation adding a third session at no extra cost after which finger pulses are checked to determine the level of inner peace attained and a friendly holiday snap is taken to welcome everyone to Bali.
Care of visitors continues with a friendly throng of enthusiastic individuals who would never be so rude as to allow anyone to disturb their inner peace by carrying their own luggage and are ready, wiling and able to transport them to anywhere they please.
There are some that believe there is another reason why Bali is the relaxation centre of the world. What appears to be an addictive influence that takes over the brain and changes people’s consciousness
The Association of International investment and Resource Exploitation has carried out extensive research and now believes that there is something in the incense that drifts up the back alleys which stimulates the “Humus Trustus”.
Now the Humus Trustus, as any Neurosurgeon (or indeed any other member of the banking fraternity) will know, is a small gland which overlays the even smaller organ the commonia sensibilis in the nether regions of the financial sector of the brain. The function of the commonia sensibilis has never been clearly determined and for most people the organ is considered redundant. Brain activity in this tiny organ has, however been detected in the brains of piano tuners and chicken sexers but, of course, this is not the focus of our interest. We must turn our attention to the Humus Trustus.
Stimulation of the Humus Trustus has been found to be very beneficial for people who wish to relax and get away from the cares of modern living particularly the stresses of financial concern. It switches off all those problem neurones that cause us to worry about such petty matters as how much we are paying for things and it gives us the freedom to let others worry about our wealth.
In short it allows people to open their wallets without a care in the world and fully enjoy all the experiences that Bali has to offer. Indeed it gives us a freedom to do things we would never dream of doing back home.
Take an Englishman Willie I met recently.
“I’ve run out of money” he said. “I sent my driver (a good man my driver) down to the ATM to check my account but he came back and told me there was nothing left in it.”
“You gave your driver your credit card?”
“Why yes of course.”
“And the PIN number?”
“Of course, he couldn’t check the account without that now could he?”
“And you have no money?”
“Yes but not to worry, I will sell my house.”
“Oh you own a house do you?”
“Yes. I met a very friendly lady who has really helped me lots. She organised everything for me and even allowed me to use her name as a nominee to buy the house.”
“And the documents?”
“Oh she was even good enough to look after those for me. What a wonderful lady.”
Isn’t it great when we are surrounded by Wealthcare professionals and we simply don’t need to worry about such trivial matters?
Now Cedric is another case in point. He came to Bali and saw a wonderful large piece of prime land. He decided to buy it from the owner, a polite asian gentleman who bowed a lot, so he got a very friendly lawyer with a nice smile and gave him millions of dollars to pass on to the polite asian gentleman. “Don’t worry about the documents, they’re boring things” advised the lawyer.
“I’ll tell you what” said Cedric, “you are such a nice friendly lawyer, forget about the land, why don’t you just keep the money.”
“Oh I couldn’t, such a large amount of money” said the lawyer, “I’ll tell you what - I’ll share it with the pleasant asian gentleman.”
Now Cedric was ever so grateful and doesn’t have any of those terrible money or land worries any more.
That’s the way it is in Bali. The first thing you have to do to gain inner peace is to find a nice friendly person with a big smile to give all that troublesome money to.
Sadly it isn’t all smiles though. There are some unfortunate people that just don’t get into the swing of things at all. They have a suppressed Humus Trustus and are usually grumpy, miserable old sods and not at all generous I’m afraid. They just don’t trust people and start doing all those boring, bothersome, worryful things like checking documents, laws, regulations, standards and the like.
Are you suffering from a suppressed Humus Trustus? The following self assessment may help you.
If you are buying property or land do you:
• Insist on seeing the original of the land certificate and understanding whose name it is in before you handover money?
• Insist on using your own lawyer and not the same one as the developer?
• Check the documents that link you to the land certificate?
• Make sure the land actually matches the land certificate?
• Make sure you have full legal access to the land?
• Insist on seeing the original of the building permit before you hand any money over?
• Insist on seeing the drawings that support the IMB and make sure there are structural design drawings (not just the architectural drawings) that indicate the foundation design and the reinforced concrete columns and beam designs for the building?
• Read and fully understand every single clause in the building contract?
• Insist there must be a full set of drawings attached as part of the contract?
• Insist there must be a very detailed specification list attached to the contract stating exactly what you will get and how much it will cost?
• Insist on standard guarantee periods of 5 years for structure, 3 years for roof and one year for everything else?
• Make sure that the contract has protection clauses for yourself as well as for that nice developer chap?
• Demand a schedule of payments that makes sure that you will not have paid 90% of the money when the building reaches only 60% complete?
• Insist that contract provides a retention of at least 10% of the total price to be withheld until all agreed rectifications are completed?
• Insist that deposits are fully returnable should the developer default?
• Refuse to pay any money until you are positive that all conditions have been agreed and your position is safe?
• Refuse to hand over the last payment (before the retention) until you have received the original of the building tax receipt to prove it has been paid?
• Insist the building is fully inspected by qualified people and rectifications are agreed by the developer in front of witnesses before you make the final payment?
• Make sure that the developer or builder cancels his insurance on your building or else, if the building burns down, he will get the payout?
If you answered yes to any of the questions above you could have a problem that may need some attention. In severe cases you may become so tight fisted that you even check the value of land and the cost of building in an area before you accept the sale price.
Each of the above factors is yet another cause for unnecessary concern. For your own peace of mind it is important that your Humus Trustus is in good working order.
Now where did I put the key for the safe? I want the pembantu to go and buy a car.
Phil Wilson
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